Dearest Harry: A Letter of Beseechment
by Ceris Malfoy
Summary: Someone writes to Harry. RnR!


**As of July 16, 2006, I will begin to repost all my one-shots and ficlets. I will not, however be reposting my songfics. Hopefully I'll have the next chapter for Light Reflections out soon, and believe me, it will be a long one. **

**Prepare for tears, my fine companions. This is the first of the series that I'm doing, all letters from one HP character to another. However, in no way, shape or form are these a continuation, so the next one (Dearest Severus) does not follow Dearest Harry. Got it? Good. **

**DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter, and all related characters, do not belong to me. They most likely never will.

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**Dearest Harry: A Letter of Beseechment**

_**First in the Dearest series.**_

By: Ceris Malfoy

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My dearest Harry, 

As I write this now, I find myself swirling in the black hole of endless tears. I'm drowning in them, and I can not seem to stop crying. They come and go with a violence that startles even me, and for the first time in my life, I find myself afraid.

Afraid of Life. Afraid of You.

I don't understand what it is that you do to me. I don't understand why even the remote possibility of you not trusting me causes me to think of things I swore to myself I would never think of again. I don't understand how it is that only you can bring these rampaging emotions storming to the surface of my conscious, demanding for them to be released.

I can't go through it again, Harry, so I'm writing this to you now before I do something that I will regret for all eternity. I am not a coward, and I refuse to take the easy way out.

When I'm around you, I feel like purring. I feel content. Like as long as you are near I could drop my guard and show my true self to the world with pride. But you don't like my true self.

At least, not if your letter to Blaise was to be believed. And no, she didn't show me. Pansy stole it from him and told me the part about how you are uncomfortable with how I touch you. And I'm probably over-reacting yet again, and it's almost certain that in summarizing that part of the letter, she made it seem harsher than it was meant to be….

But trust is a big thing to me, Harry. And I don't think that you, someone that I thought was one of my best friends, trust me. You don't, do you?

I'm scared, Harry, I'm scared. Pansy told me and I went to first period and it repeated over and over and over again in my head until I broke down. For the first time in my life, Harry, I cried in front of people I knew would take advantage over the fact that I am human. That I cry. It scares me that the fact that you don't trust me sends me that far over the edge.

And I suppose that turnabout is fair play, as I find myself having problems admitting all this to you. But I trust you, Haryy. I trust you not to shove this in my face, I trust you not to hurt me, I trust you not to tell everyone about what is in this letter. But most of all, I trust you enough to ask you for your side, hoping that I was not so misplaced in my choice of friends.

There are some things that will never change. Especially about me.

I know that I will never be as close a friend to you as Weasley or Granger, but I hope that I am still, at least, a friend.

I know that whatever we had over the summer is now non-existent, a thing of the past, a memory that I will never be ashamed of making.

And I except that. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.

But there are several things that, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to keep under control.

I've always been a possessive person, Harry, you knew that. I made sure you knew it. I'm possessive over friends, family, lovers -past and present. It's just the way I am. I promised you I would never, ever interfere, and I will hold that promise until the end of my days. But if ANYONE ever hurts you, they can kiss their ass goodbye.

Only for family and friends and lovers would I kill. Only for them would I gladly give my life to keep themsafe.

And I am a touchy-feely type of person as well. It's something that happens when you are denied loving touch when you are a child. It's what happens when the only touch you've ever known that was even remotely non-violent came from cats and kneazles, who are full-body touchers. But only for those I trust not to use or hurt me. I trust you, Harry. And if you want me to stop, I will. All you have to do is tell me to stop.

No more hugs? Fine. I won't do anything to make you uncomfortable.

But for all my uniqueness, I am human. I cannot read your mind. I can not know what makes you uncomfortable if you don't tell me.

Maybe I should have kept this to myself, maybe not. All I know is I can not let this grow and fester until I can't take it anymore.

I will not go through that again, even if it means breaking away from a good friendship.

Of all things in life, I am afraid of only two things. Rejection, and hurting someone I care for. Please don't make me hate you,Harry, I could not bear it. I want to be correct in my choice of your as a friend. I don't want to be mistaken again. But if you don't see me as a friend that you can trust, tell me now, Harry. Before I get to entangled to distance myself.

In all things, I suppose there is only one truth. What that truth is, I'm still working on, but I hope it applies to us.

Hope is the only thing I got going for me right now. And hope does not offer much comfort.

To my friend, my confidant, my lover,

With all my soul I feel.

Love,

Draconis Lucian Andarial Black Malfoy

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**Well? It's really deep, and is based lightly off of a letter my ex-boyfriend wrote to me. Very lightly. Read and Review!**


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